When Language Barriers Cause Extreme Embarrassment

Hi far away friends! Sorry it has been a while since I have updated this blog, I will try and do better in the future. In all honesty, I haven't really done much that has been particularly noteworthy. I booked a bunch of trips, but I will want to blog about those adventures as they happen, so I will wait until I have fun pictures and stories to tell to discuss those matters. Overall, life here in Norway for the last couple weeks have been just that: normal, everyday life. I go to work, do some reading, shop, talk to friends and family via skype, you know - just regular life things. One thing that I have not been doing nearly enough is working out, which led to my most current endeavor: signing up for and actually going to a gym. For those of you who may not know, I f**king HATE exercising. Like a lot. I hate sweating, I hate wearing ugly workout clothes, I hate gym shoes, I just hate it all. But one of my recent goals in life is to not die of a heart attack by the time I am 30, so I decided to get healthy. So far, I have lost quite a bit of weight - like enough weight to equal a small adult or a very big child. Here are some comparison pictures:

This is me in 2011 at my friends Chris and Katie's wedding.

This is me today. I really did just come from the gym, so please don't make fun of my crappy hair or the fact that this outfit makes me look like I just came from an interpretive dance class. I had a different  shirt on, but it was so sweaty I couldn't bear to photograph and publish it.

So yeah, a pretty big difference. I am of course not finished with my whole "be healthy and avoid type 2 diabetes" plan; as a matter of fact I have quite a ways to go before I will consider this goal accomplished. Anyway, in order to counteract my natural aversion to exercise and keep on the right track, I have to be penalized in some real and measurable way if I do not work out. This is where joining a gym comes into play. Losing money is the only way I can trick myself into going to the gym. Because while I am lazy, I am far more cheap than I am lazy. Having to actually pay a fee to join a gym is the only motivation I have found to make me get up and go work out. Not concern for my health, not a desire to be the best version of myself I can be - the only thing that has worked has been seeing that money come out of my account and knowing that if I don't exercise, I am basically paying a "lazy-ass tax" every month.

The good news for me is that a new gym called "Fresh Fitness" (I seriously can't deal with that name, but whatever) just opened up here in Moss that does not require a contract and is pretty reasonably priced. I decided that I would join, and today was my first day. This is where my good intentions hit some snags. First, I had to register. They actually have a handy kiosk so that you can sign up and pay your first month's fee all by yourself. Unfortunately, it is of course in Norwegian, which I do not read or speak. So luckily the front desk girl spoke wonderful English and helped me through it. Then I had some problems getting into the actual gym part because the sign explaining how the card-activated door works was in Norwegian as well. I finally walk into the facility and towards the locker room, or what I presume is the locker room - again, Norwegian language problem. I wasn't really paying that much attention, open up the door and notice showers, lockers, and benches, so I figure I have made it to my destination. "Good job Errin"- says my inner voice. There is nobody in the room, so I quickly get dressed, put my shoes on, and fill up my water bottle. Then I realize I didn't ask if you had to rent lockers, so I gather my things and head out the door to ask. Just as I am walking out of the door, another person opens it and walks through. This person was most definitely a guy. I look at him, he looks at me, and he just cracks up laughing. I manage to laugh a little, but I mostly wanted to vaporize at that moment, never to be seen again. In my haste to try and figure everything out and get things under control, I failed to notice that the figure above the word "garderoben" (the Norwegian word for locker room, for those who are interested) did not, as I thought I saw, have a dress on. Now, I don't know how many people know this, but I actually embarrass quite easily. I turn beat red and really, really hate myself for quite a while after I do something mortifying. The problem is, I do embarrassing shit all the damn time. I fall down a lot, I say dumb shit, I break and spill stuff all the time - I am just a hot mess. You would think that because I do stupid things all the time that the embarrassment would lessen, but alas it does not. I seriously wanted to die. And I hope I never see that guy again. Or the other people that undoubtedly saw me make this mistake, as there were several people in the area when I walked out of the men's locker room. Oh well, I did have a nice workout. And, let's be honest, this really wouldn't be my life if I didn't do at least one thing while in Norway that reminded me that I am still the same ungraceful doofus I have always been. Well, I think this is it for now. Until next time...